Thursday, January 5, 2012

I hate my diabetes bag. There, I've said it. I'm sorry. It's one of those blue JDRF bags. We got it for free from the hospital I think. I so appreciate that they do that. It was invaluable to us as new D parents. They tried hard to make it a great bag, and yes, for the first year, it was pretty good. It had plenty of room to store things, several pockets. Even one in the back that was insulated. But now, after all this time, I really just can't stand that bag!

It's just so heavy. Do you realize what we have to carry in there? (I know some of you unfortunately do.)
Here's the list of what's in there right now:

 In the front pocket:
An empty test strip container full of my migraine pills
Another empty test strip container full of Jesse's migraine pills and allergy pills
A full test strip container for just in case we ever run out
4 Peter Piper Pizza ticket vouchers totaling 845 points (he's saving them up for something - not sure what.)
A tube of Extra Strength Tylenol
A pen and a pencil
A few Tampax
A tiny bottle of hand sanitizer
A small roll of medical tape (I have actually used this and a cut up baggie to hold EMLA in place when I was out of IV3000! Came in handy that day!)
A half-eaten bag of Skittles, a whole fun-size bag of Skittles, and a small Laffy Taffy
Josh's MP3 player
One tube of Blistex, one Carmex, and one some other weird lip balm
Josh's diabetes ID bracelet which he refuses to wear for long amounts of time because it's uncomfortable. (Need to get a new one!)
4 AA batteries for the pump.  (A bit of overkill huh?)
1 AAA battery for the meter remote (Underkill - yikes! Need to get another one.)
$1.75 in quarters (He's always asking for quarters for the machines in the stores)

In the main part of the bag:

1 Ziploc bag containing a crapload of bandaids (Would I say I have a plethora of bandaids? Yes, I would.), some IV Prep wipes, some alcohol wipes, and a couple of cough and cold strips.
1 Ziploc bag containing supplies for 3 site changes, some keytone test strips, a tube of EMLA cream, and a tube of Neosporin ointment
One sandwich bag that has various carb cheat sheets in it like for Mc Donalds, and other fast food places we go, or restaurants we frequent, also a one page sheet on what to do for low blood sugar if anyone else should need it in my absence
A Glucagon Emergency Kit
I sandwich bag full of Smarties, Skittles, Necco Wafers, etc. which may never get used because he doesn't like most of it! If we're desperate we have it I guess.
The little Calorie King book. Thinking about dumping that one. Never use it anymore but Jason does I think. I just use my phone now, and that damn little book is heavy!
2 juice boxes
About 10 used test strips hanging out at the bottom of the bag
1 travel pack of wipes
A small plastic container that holds about 8 crackers just for a low. If I don't keep them in there, they get crushed.
Another small platic container containing 7 syringes, a little tube of cake gel, some alcohol wipes, and some Laffy Taffy's (for some reason)

When we get ready to go out, I throw in there his blood sugar test kit with meter remote and (in the summer) my freezer insulated bag with the insulin in it. Right now I just get to throw the little insulin bottle in and go - yay!

 All of that adds up to HEAVINESS! Especially day in and day out.
And those damn straps. They won't stay on my shoulder. They're shaped weird. It's constantly slipping off my shoulder.

AND, it just looks frumpy. I don't need ONE. MORE. THING. making me look frumpy. I'm doing a fine job of that on my own thank you very much.

I think maybe there is a psychological thing with this bag too. Like the bag IS D. We are stuck with it. We can't go anywhere without it. We can't take the chance that we will be somewhere and he will have a low blood sugar and need to be checked or need his candy or juice. We can't be away from the insulin or shots just in case. What if we went into a bank and someone decided to rob it while we were there and held us all hostage? I know that's crazy but it could happen. We need that lifeline bag with us at all times. It HAS to go everywhere with us. EVERYWHERE. All the time.
FOREVER. You get the picture?

And sometimes I hate it so much that I just want someone else to bear the burden. Sometimes Jason is with me and he carries it then, but that's not often. But the worst is when I'm tired and I ask Josh to do it. "Can you get your bag?"  or  "Don't forget your bag."  And he does it. Every time. Without a complaint. Like he knows its his problem or something. His responsibility. And when I see him walking ahead of me with that heavy blue bag on his small back I feel so sick to my stomach because it should be me carrying that burden for him. He's carrying enough. And the guilt overwhelms me sometimes.

So yeah. I really hate that bag. I need a new solution. (That doesn't cost $100!)  Got any ideas?